Delilah watched Jay’s back and even before he said anything she knew the answer to her own question. Of course they wouldn’t find anything. Why would they? It wasn’t like they were smarter than the Doctor. If Ben was gone without Jay knowing then they weren’t supposed to find him. If, by some miracle, there was some sign that Ben had once been an occupant of the room, it was highly unlikely that they would see it or know what to do with it once they found it.
His sigh, followed by the shake of his head still wasn’t enough to prepare her for his voice when he finally spoke. She slumped against the kitchen counter that she’d been leaning on. Now what? Jay would have a plan; he had to. But when he finally turned to face her Delilah realized that he was just as lost as she was. The forced look on his face was like a punch to the gut, and for a moment she forgot to look confident about what they were doing. Ben was gone and Jay was hurting and anything that she might try to do wouldn’t be enough to fix that.
She bit her lip, then, realizing what she was doing, stopped and nodded. Everything in her wanted to comfort him but she couldn’t make herself move to do it. She’d crossed a line today, even if she was the only one who knew it, and she was afraid of somehow taking advantage of the situation. But still, as he reached out a hand she leaned forward, part of her hoping that he was reaching for her. Don’t be a fucking idiot. Crossing her arms to hide the movement, she stepped away from the counter, not daring to let out the shaky breath that she’d been holding until he was a safe distance away. Falling in step next to him, she asked, “You wanna get a drink?”
Delilah’s voice felt jarring in a way he couldn’t explain, each time she spoke he found himself dragged out of a mental echo chamber. None of this felt real, but she did. She always had. “What?” Jay’s voice cracked a bit, like it was dry, hoarse from the shouting. “Oh.. yeah. I want a drink.” He needed a drink right now. Idly it occurred to him that his drinking was beginning to become a problem. Without any crutches he didn’t really know where he’d be. He could get the monkey off his back but the circus was always going to be in town. Today just felt heavy, he didn’t want to be sober anymore. He didn’t want to think about any of it, think at all.
Silently he walked to the door, figuring she would fall in step beside him. Jay’s shoulders were tense, the more the sedatives wore off, the sicker he felt. Without realizing it, his steps grew fast, purposeful, just trying to get away from that room and away from himself. Out of all the shitty things he let himself do, all the things that derailed and ruined him, Delilah should have been easy to give into. But she wasn’t. He got hooked into things so easily, drugs, work, people. An addictive personality, maybe. Delilah didn’t need to be one more thing on that list. Despite his reservations he cast a glance down her way. She looked ragged, just as tense as he felt. He had missed her face. Sharp with a hint of defiance always glinting in her eyes.
Before Jay could stop himself he lifted his arm and slung it around her selfishly. With shoulders sharp under his arm, she just felt right, she fit. Today he would let himself, just to make it through. “Sorry.” He mumbled in absentminded and half hearted apology. Jay wasn’t sorry. Not for this. Even though it felt like his legs were about to buckle under him, just give way, he managed down the stairs. Perhaps it was the promise of alcohol that kept him going, or maybe the way she felt tucked against him. He wasn’t going to question it, not when he needed it. “I’m gonna need something strong.” A wry smirk managed to find its way onto his face.
Why are you thanking me? It’s a fact.
I’m sure it will… you don’t like cops do you?
If you say so, man.
You probably wouldn’t if you were from where I am, either.
And why’s that? Have you got bad history with the cops or something?
Oh fuck off.
Why would you think that? I highly doubt it Jay, besides they don’t even have guns they have taser’s, TASER’S! It’s hilarious, haha. They’re just like security lighten up hun.
I just- cops aren’t so great where I’m from. Habit, I guess.
Yeah but isn’t this place security enough? It’s in the middle of nowhere.
…You seems angry, yet paranoid. Why is that? They all seem pretty nice, so far.
I’m not- I’m not paranoid. Cops just spell bad news where I’m from. Hah! Nice? Yeah right.
Well whatever it is you don’t need to worry. I’ve met one of them and he seems really nice, like you, so it’s no real problem…
I don’t know about that but I guess it’ll all work out.
It’s such bullshit. They’re all just a bunch of nosy assholes, really.
I’m so done with this shit. The Doctor just wants more control.
Such warm welcomes. Nice to meet you. I’m Deputy Eddnard.
I wish I could say it’s nice to meet you.
What the hell kind of a name is Eddnard?
Oh Jesus, man, don’t even worry about it. They aren’t even real cops. I haven’t met an intelligent one of them yet, and I don’t think I will.
Yeah? No cops are, let’s be real.
As long as they don’t fuck anything up there’s not gonna be a problem.
Whoa someone clearly doesn’t sound to pleased to have some cops running around.
We just don’t need them. The Doctor just wants to make it easier to spy on us.